Back and Forth
by Meadow Wood
Summary: Ash had never known his female companions were vicious, obsessive, hormonal freaks. Well, all except one... Read at your own risk.


**Back and Forth**

Meadow Wood

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**Hello guys! **Yes, I've started yet _another _one-shot of mine, after literally killing myself to get one done for the August '12 Challenge – and to think, I was getting ready to be undeniably relieved to never have to post a short story again – and here I am, having something typically cliché written up because I'm obsessed like that. Try to enjoy ^.^ And feel free to drop a review! **NOTE: This is nothing like I've ever written before. Character personalities are OVERLY exaggerated, never in my life have I ever written May and Dawn so OOC and this is simply for my own humor and bashing Dawn and May, which I normally never do. Somehow, I enjoyed writing it. Plus, there's quite a bit of pointless swearing. Apologies in advance! It's very…crazy. I don't even know why I wrote it. It's weird. It's stupid. Purely for my own weird satisfactions. And NO, do not ask me why Pikachu or Brock are not present in this fic. **

**YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.**

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His eyes shot between the two girls, darting back and forth and leaving a sour taste in his mouth. But mainly, a disgusting shock for his twelve-year old stomach to handle. He had never felt so chronically ill, his face flushed higher than any fever could manage, and the only little itty bitty comfort he had was his best friend Misty squeezing his arm. The only _normal _girl he had travelled with, he realized with a shudder.

"I swear, I s_aw _the way you were looking at him. You _wanted _to smooch those big fat lips of yours all over him."

That was May – the ever so petulant brown-haired girl was letting her inner repressed emotions release towards the girl in front of her, sounding sickeningly like a bitch.

Dawn had her hands on her hips, before smirking. She hitched up her already agonizingly short skirt which every boy seemed to scramble to get under, before blowing the fuming coordinator a kiss. "Now don't be jealous. We all know that Ash over here has a special place in his heart for me, and just 'cause he doesn't have one for you doesn't mean you need to get angry."

Ash squeaked with a frightened expression, grabbing onto Misty's arm like his life depended on it. "Do you see this?" he hissed. "Who _ever_ told her I had a special place in my heart for her?"

Misty tried to detangle herself from the furiously latched on fingers of Ash Ketchum. "Well, you're the one who got the brilliant idea of having us three girls all meet."

"Brock said they would _bond_."

"Special place?" May was screeching like a spoiled Barbie doll, her hip stuck out and a growl escaping her face. "The only special place he has for you is down his pants, where his senses are tingling because of your slutty attire!"

Horrified, Misty covered Ash's innocent twelve-year old ears, even though she was just a year older than him. "Bonding, huh?" she hissed once she released her hands.

Ash shivered, before gulping to Misty. "Nothing down my pants tingle Misty."

Misty flushed. "Shut up Ash; don't humiliate yourself any further than they already have."

Almost solemnly, the two friends returned their crippled attention to the scene in front of them. Now, Dawn was literally screaming her throat out (Ash tentatively held his arms out in case he needed to catch her lungs) and yelling curse words at May. "I can't believe you just called me a slut. I'm not the one who's wearing all those ever-so tight clothes to make me s_eem _curvy."

"What was that?" May said crossly, taking a threatening step forward. "You want me to get my Combuskon out and flame that gigantic head of yours?"

"My _head _is nothing compared to your s_tomach_," Dawn said haughtily. "The way you scarf down your stupid chocolate addiction is a disgrace to feminism."

May huffed. "Let's get back to the point at matter. _I _loved Ash much longer than your big ass ever will, so will you _kindly s_tep away and let our relationship blossom?"

At that, Ash yelped, running behind Misty, wholly for his protection. "Did she say l-love?"

Misty sighed, shaking her head and glancing behind her shoulder and the terrified brown-eyed boy looking at her. "Yeah, she also said Dawn has a big butt."

Ash whined, covering his ears. "I didn't want to know _that._"

"Why should I back down?" Dawn said with a flustered pout as she put her arms behind her back in an attempt to cover her nearly bare derriere and even went as far as to pulling her skirt down a bit. "Ash and I obviously have a connection. We've held hands before."

"It was a high-five!" Ash cried, but was promptly ignored by the two bickering girls. Misty patted his shoulder sympathetically.

"Held hands, huh? Ash and I…well…" May spluttered, clearly frustrated. She boldly took a step forward. "We share the same interests! We both love food!"

"So you're relationship," Dawn said slowly, swiftly throwing her long blue hair behind her back and clicking her tongue. "Is based on who can eat more disgusting, over-expired mars bars?"

May's mouth fell open. "No, of course not."

"And if he loves food, he should _obviously _marry me since I can actually COOK." Dawn said calmly. "Unlike _you_."

"D-did she just say marry?" Ash looked about ready to faint, and he leaned against Misty for support to prevent himself from passing out. "I think…this is a hallucination." He said weakly.

Misty rolled her eyes, fidgeting as she felt a blush spread across her cheeks. She quickly tried to act normal and lightly smacked his head. She glanced back at the ire of Dawn and May. The two girls were acting simply ridiculous – she had always known Dawn was an airheaded b-word, but she had no idea May, the girl who had saved her, was such a ballistic, overreacting bulldozer as well.

"I _can too_ cook. And honestly, back to the point that me and Ash have similarities." May scoffed. "We both can battle and actually have a sense of strong Pokemon."

"Oh, because that sweet little sickly butterfly of yours can really do anything but flutter around like a helpless freak – similar, to you, actually." Dawn said sarcastically.

May clenched her fists and made a really weird sound come out from the bottom of her stomach. (This time, Ash got ready to catch an intestine) She sounded particularly angry at that comment. "You're telling me! The only thing your little Buneary is good at is trying to rape Pikachu!"

At this comment, Ash was back to clinging onto Misty's arm once again, his face draining of colour. "Poor Pikachu." He managed between gasps. "I feel for him!"

"Buneary and Pikachu are in love!" Dawn defended. "Just like their trainers are."

"Ackhem, but what has Ash e_ver _done to make you get that insane idea?" May snapped right back, puffing out her awkwardly big chest and giving her the most vicious look she could manage.

"He kissed me!"

"Liar!"

"You're the liar!"

"Nu-uh!"

"Yu-huh!"

And once again, the two girls were shooting their mouths off, shouting profanities and resulting in Misty covering poor Ashy-boy's ears once again. Truthfully, Dawn and May had never felt so protective of their identical crush, and they were ready to release the steam, frustration and fury that went along with falling in love with a blockheaded, childish nut who didn't have a romantic bone in his body.

And so, they fought with each other, trying desperately to prove their points.

"Misty," Ash said hoarsely, his face bright red as he hugged the redheaded girl tightly like he would collapse if he let go. "I can't believe I travelled around with them all these years. I can't believe it. What if they tried to force me into bed? Or peeked at me when I went to pee? They're both abnormally obsessed!"

Misty held the trembling boy and ran her fingers gently through his thick black hair. "It's alright Ash, I'm here, I'm normal, and I always will be."

Ash was still shaking, but he felt a decidable relief in knowing he had one friend to rely on. (Truthfully, he was starting to get a bit suspicious of Brock as well…) He let her caress his hair and just exhaled and inhaled, trying to regain his conscious and spirit, and hoping dearly to god with his fingers crossed that their words wouldn't haunt him in his sleep.

Misty, in turn, enjoyed holding onto the quavering boy in her arms. She felt her pulse quicken, her breathing become uneven, and her heart pound menacingly.

_Now, _she decided as she touched the scarred boy's cheek, _is not a good time to tell him I've been in love with him for over two years… _

"You don't know! You don't know that Ash was _this _close to sleeping with me when we were travelling together!" May shouted.

"Yeah? Well, well – well, why should I believe you? You're just a big fat-"

Ash's ears were once again muffled by Misty's hands. She shuddered.

_Definitely not a good time._

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**Please do not kill me or judge me by this fic xD It came out very random and weird, and I PROMISE, I don't hate May or Dawn, and I don't even know what I was doing while I was writing this…I went a little crazy…**

**Uh…so yeah, I don't normally write like this. It just…HAPPENED! I wasn't even sure I should post it, but I'm like, what the hell, might as well, right? Uh…if you want to review, go ahead…**


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